Jokes about women

Jokes about women 1-10

1: Hurricanes
Why are all hurricanes named after women?
– Because both are wet and wild when they come into your life, and take both the house and the car when they leave!

2: Getting a tan on the roof
A woman is lying on the roof of the hotel bathing in the sun. Suddenly a servant approaches and asks her to put on her clothes.
“Why shall I do that? First of all, I’m lying on my stomach, and secondly, if anyone approaches they will still not be able to see anything because I have a towel.”
– “Yes, and thirdly, you are lying on the glass roof above the dining room!”

3: Women and chicken
What is the similarity between women and chicken?
Both have a big ass, a small brain and love to sit on a stick!

4: The search
A woman enters the police station and says that a man is missing.
“Can you help me?” the woman asks.
“That depends on what you are looking for?” the officer responds.
“A man – any man.

5: The kitchen light
How do you change the light bulb in the kitchen?
You do not. Women can cook dinner in the dark!

6: The woman at the computer
How do you know if there is a man or a woman at the computer?
– The woman screams when she sees the mouse!

7: Women and beer
A study has shown that there are female hormones in beer. That explains why men get so dumb after 5-6 beers?

8: Salary and menstruation
For women, salary and menstruation are basically the same thing.
– They get it once a month and it lasts for about a week.

9: Three reasons to why the woman is a strong gender
1. Women can bleed for days without dying.
2. Women can provide milk without grazing.
3. Women can get men to come without calling them!

10: The woman in court
Why is it that that your man has made a lawsuit against you?
– I was throwing tomatoes at him…
– And those tomatoes caused him great injuries?
– They were canned tomatoes…


Jokes about women 11-20

11: The woman at the library
A woman enters a library and asks: “Do you have the book: The Woman, The Strongest Gender?”
– Yes, we do.
– Wonderful! Where is it?
– It is on the shelf with superstition and utopias.


12: Women and onions
What is the similarity between women and oinons?
– When you remove the outer layer you just want to cry.


13: Women do not want to get married?
Matt:  “Women do not want to get married nowadays…”
Brian: “Where did you get that?” 
Matt: “I have asked several.”


14: Women and fire alarms
What is the similarity between women and fire alarms?
– They both make a high pitched sound that is unbearable to listen to.


15: Can not control herself when she is drunk
A woman enters the doctors office to talk about her little problem.
The doctor: “Well, how can I help you?”
The woman: “I have a problem when I get drunk. If I get too much to drink I cannot control myself. I start to take my clothes of and I also dance on the tables, and I flirt with all the men.
The doctor: “That we can solve easily!”
The woman: “How?”
The doctor: “Let us take a drink and discuss your problem in peace and quiet…”


16: Women who talk about men
– It bothers me that my wife is always talking about her ex.
– It is even worse at my place. My wife only talks about her next husband!


17: Visiting her husband in jail
A woman enters a prison to visit her husband.
– How is your economic situation? The man asks.
– Just fine.


18: What do you know about women?
Two guys are having a chat about women.
– What do you really know about women?
– I know quite a lot!
– But you are the only one not married?
– That’s right!


19: The dish washer
What do you do if your dish washer is broken?
– Give her a kick in the ass!!


20: Batteries and women
What is the similarity between batteries and women?
– Both have a positive and a negative side!


Jokes about women 21-30

21: Women live longer than men
Why do women live longer than men?
– Because they have enough time to finish what they are saying..


22: The woman without a bra
– Honey, why are you not wearing a bra today?
– I don’t know, why?
– You should do this more often..
– Do you really think that my breasts are so firm that I don’t need to?
– No, but they are hanging down so much that they pull down the wrinkles from your face!!