Funny quotes

Here you will find some funny quotes. We have gathered a lot of funny quotes, but if you feel that you are missing anything on this page you can send in a suggestion here.

 

Some funny quotes

There is only one thing which is worse than men who do not pay attention and that is bitches who do not do what they are told!

God gave man a penis and a brain, but not enough blood till fill both at the same time.

You should not shoot with rubber when you yourself got rubber in the pants.

Never piss against the wind!

A person who goes to bed with an itchy ass will wake up with a smelly finger.

Rather the smell of horse than hash.

I am a little bear with a little brain and big words annoy me!

The weather is sunny but the air is filled with bullshit!

Don’t be so serious. If you cannot laugh at yourself, call me. I’ll laugh at you.

Everyone get’s old, but to mature is voluntary.

If work is something healthy, then give it to the sick.

To make common savings is always a good idea, especially if ones parents have done it for you.

A lot of people are attractive until they open their mouths.

People lie, they only say what you want to hear and not the truth and therefore we fall in love with the wrong people.

Upwind is a good thing, as long as you are going in the other direction.

You can learn a lot from your children, especially how much patience you have.

God created the man before he created the woman, it is like when you write a mail, first you write a draft.

My kids did not really understand the thing about taxes until I ate 33% of their chocolate cake.