Football jokes

Football jokes 1
Two football fans were having a conversation:
– How did the game end tonight?
– It ended at 0-0.
– Alright, and at halftime?

 

Football jokes 2
The postal service had made a postage stamp collection with the New England Patriots. They were stamps with all the team’s players, but the stamps were pulled. People were confused over which side they were supposed to spit on.

 

Football jokes 3
Once, there was a man who loved to play football. He had been a defensive end for many years which he was really happy about. The man started thinking about death and then started to wonder if there was any football in heaven.

The man decided to find the answer to his question, so he sought out a priest. The priest wasn’t completely sure of the answer, so he said the following: “I don’t know if there is football in heaven, but I will try asking God. So when you come back in three days, I will probably have an answer.”

When three days had gone by, the man went back to the priest.
– Have you gotten a reply from God?
– Yes. I have both good and bad news.
– Okay, tell me.
– The good news is that there’s football in heaven.
– That sounds good, but what’s the bad news?
– You’re drafted for the game on Monday!

 

Football jokes 4
What’s the difference between a battery and the Dallas Cowboys?
– A battery has a positive side!

 

Football jokes 5
A Bears fan was locked in a cage, but he was not alone. With him there was also a long snake, a crocodile and a Packers fan. On the table there was a gun, but it only had two bullets. Who did he shoot?
– He shot the Packers fan two times.

 

Football jokes 6
This morning when I was commuting to work, I had to back out from my driveway, so  I looked around as usual. First I looked to the right and there was an Eagles fan. Then I looked to the left and there wasn’t anyone there either.

 

Football jokes 7
What do you do when the Jaguars win the Super Bowl?
– Turn off your Playstation and get back to real life.

 

Football jokes 8
Three men were standing on a cliff: A Cowboys fan,  a Seahawks fan and a 49ers fan. The Cowboys fan said: “I do this for the Cowboys.” and then he jumped off the cliff. Then the Seahawks fan said: “I do this for the Seahawks.” and then he pushed the 49ers fan down the cliff.

 

Football jokes 9
Peter Warrick is standing at a bus station and looks very confused.
A man drives by and sees Warrick and says: “You look pretty confused.”
– Yes, how do I get to Dallas?
– That takes a lot of practice!

 

Football jokes 10
Ben Roethlisberger was on a date with a woman. It ended with them going home to the woman’s place. In the bedroom the woman says: “Make yourself at home, I’ll be right back!”. When the woman returned, two naked men besides Ben had appeared.
The woman cried out: “What the hell is going on here?”
Ben replies: “You’ll have to excuse me, I can’t perform without Le’veon and Antonio.”

 

Football jokes 11
A Ravens fan and a Steelers fan were standing on a cliff. In the end they both decide to jump off the cliff. Who hits the ground first?
– I don’t know, who the hell cares?

 

Football jokes 12
Little boy: My mom beats me.
Pedagogue: Yes, well, what do you think of moving to your dad?
Little boy: He beats me too…
Pedagogue: How about going to the MetLife Stadium? They never beat anyone.

 

Football jokes 13
What does a wrecked car and the Minnesota Vikings have in common?
– Neither has a title!