Blonde jokes

Here you will find your favorite jokes about blondes. We have singled out the 20 best blonde jokes for you!

Best blonde jokes 1-10

1. The earthworm
How does a blonde kill an earthworm?
– She buries it alive!

2. Changing a light bulb
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
– 501. One who holds the light bulb and 500 who walk around the house!

3. The zebra
What does the blonde call her zebra?
– The smudge!

4. Blondes and cars
What’s the similarity between blondes and cars?
– Both smell like used rubber!

5. The blonde who won at roulette
– And what will you do with $10 000?
– I’ll get a driver’s license and then I’ll shop for the remaining $100!

6. The blonde and the “TV”
The blonde walked into the store and said: ‘I’d like to buy this TV.’
The store clerk replied: ‘We don’t sell to blondes.’
The blonde got angry and went home. She dyes her hair black, puts on skate clothes and goes back to the store and says ‘I’d like to buy this TV.’
The store clerk replied: ‘We don’t sell to blondes!’
The blonde got furious and rushed to the barber, cut her hair, put on men’s clothes and went back to the store and said: ‘I’d like to buy this TV.’
The store clerk replied: ‘We don’t sell to blondes!’
The blonde stared in wonder and replied: ‘Now I’ve dyed my hair black, cut it and put on men’s clothes, how can you be so certain that I am blonde?’
The store clerk replied: ‘That’s no TV, it’s a microwave oven!’

7. The mail
The blonde went out to check her mailbox several times an hour every day.
One day a neighbor came and asked: ‘Why are you always checking your mailbox?’
The blonde replied: ‘Because my computer keeps saying “You’ve got mail”

8. IQ Test
What does a blonde say when you ask her how her IQ test went?
– Brilliant! I got 12 points!

9. Traffic safety
Why do blondes put birth control pills on the road?
– They don’t want children in traffic!

10. The double recipe
Why do blondes never make double the cookies when they bake?
– No oven can heat to 750 degrees!

Best blonde jokes 11-20

11. Drowning
How can you make a blonde drown?
– Avoid telling her she has to swallow!

12. The puzzle
Why was the blonde proud when she had completed a jigsaw puzzle in six months?
– The box said 3 – 6 years!

13. The greenhouse
Why did the blonde enter the greenhouse?
– She wanted to see what was on the other side of the glass!

14. The train journey
A blonde teacher was going on a school trip with her third graders.
After she and the class had been waiting on the station for almost three hours, it became too much for her.
She walked up to the staff and said:
– “I don’t care what you say anymore, we’re getting on the next train even if it only has first and second class written on it!”

15. Blondes and technology
Why do so many blondes fall down from the desk?
– Because they’re trying to “go” on the internet!

16. The speed of light
A blonde was going to travel to Los Angeles, so she called customer service and asked:
– How long does it take to drive from Houston to Los Angeles?
– One moment, replied the operator.
– Thank you, said the blonde and hung up.

17. Cheap gas
Two blondes are having a conversation: ‘Have you heard that the gas prices are rising?’ asks the first one.
The second one replies: ‘Yes, but it doesn’t matter to me. I never fill my tank for more than $15!”

18. Garbage and blondes
A blonde who lived on her own had a habit of walking around naked in her studio apartment was going to throw out the garbage. She considered whether she should get dressed before walking out, but thought she would probably be fine. So she opened the door carefully and tried to hear if anyone was in the stairwell. There wasn’t. She hurried out to throw the garbage and… BOOM! The door the apartment slammed shut.
In that moment, she heard the gate opening and she saw a drunk man walking up the stairs.
‘Help, what do I do now?’ she thought. ‘I guess I’ll have to bend down and stick my head between my shoulders and wait until he’s passed by.’, and so she did.
The drunk man walked past the woman, then he turned around and walked up to her. He pulled down his pants, did “that” with her and then turned around and mumbled to himself.
– It’s crazy what people throw away these days. There was nothing wrong with her, was there?!

19. The blonde as a mother
Why does the blonde only change her baby’s diaper once per month?
– Because the package says ‘up to 20 lbs’!

20. Time goes on
What’s the difference between a clock and a blonde?
The clock says “Tick tock”, the blonde says “Dick please”

Read 50 additional funny blonde jokes